The holidays are a time when family and friends often come
together. But for families living with Alzheimer's and other dementias, the
holidays can be challenging. Take a deep breath. With some planning and
adjusted expectations, your celebrations can still be happy, memorable
occasions.
Check in with the
person with dementia
In the early stage, a person with Alzheimer’s may experience
minor changes. Some may withdraw and be less comfortable socializing while
others may relish seeing family and friends as before. The key is to check in
with each other and discuss options. A simple “How are you doing” or “How are
you coping with everything?” may be appreciated. Plan the holidays together,
focusing on the things that bring happiness and letting go of activities that
seem overwhelming or stressful.
For people in the middle or late stages, consider rethinking
holiday plans. Everyone is unique and finding a plan that works can involve
trial and error.
Familiarize others with the situation
The holidays are full of emotions, so it can help to let
guests know what to expect before they arrive. If the person is in the early
stages of Alzheimer's, relatives and friends might not notice any changes. But
the person with dementia may have trouble following conversation or tend to
repeat him- or herself. Family can help with communication by being patient,
not interrupting or correcting, and giving the person time to finish his or her
thoughts. If the person is in the middle or late stages of Alzheimer's, there
may be significant changes in cognitive abilities since the last time an
out-of-town friend or relative has visited. These changes can be hard to
accept. Make sure visitors understand that changes in behavior and memory are
caused by the disease and not the person.
You may find this easier to share changes in a letter or
email that can be sent to multiple recipients. Here are some examples:
- "I'm writing to let you know how things are going at our house. While we're looking forward to your visit, we thought it might be helpful if you understood our current situation before you arrive.
- "You may notice that ___ has changed since you last saw him/her. Among the changes you may notice are ___.
- "I’ve enclosed a picture so you know how ___ looks now. Because ___ sometimes has problems remembering and thinking clearly, his/her behavior is a little unpredictable.
- "Please understand that ___ may not remember who you are and may confuse you with someone else. Please don't feel offended by this. He/she appreciates your being with us and so do we."
- "Please treat ___ as you would any person. A warm smile and a gentle touch on ___’s shoulder or hand will be appreciated more than you know."
- "We would ask that you call when you’re nearby so we can prepare for your arrival. With your help and support, we can create a holiday memory that we’ll all treasure."
For more ideas on how to let others know about changes in
your loved one, join ALZConnected,
our online support community where caregivers like you share tips on what has
worked for them.
Adjust expectations
The stress of caregiving responsibilities layered with
holiday traditions can take a toll. Call a face-to-face meeting or arrange for
a group discussion via telephone, video chat or email for family and friends to
discuss holiday celebrations. Make sure that everyone understands your
caregiving situation and has realistic expectations about what you can and
cannot do. No one should expect you to maintain every holiday tradition or
event.
Be good to yourself. Give yourself permission to do only
what you can reasonably manage. If you've always invited 15 to 20 people to
your home, consider paring it down to a few guests for a simple meal. Let
others contribute. Have a potluck dinner or ask them to host at their home. You
also may want to consider breaking large gatherings up into smaller visits of
two or three people at a time to keep the person with Alzheimer's and yourself
from getting overtired.
Do a variation on a theme. If evening confusion and
agitation are a problem, consider changing a holiday dinner into a holiday
lunch or brunch. If you do keep the celebration at night, keep the room
well-lit and try to avoid any known triggers.
Involve the person
with dementia
Build on past traditions and memories. Focus on activities
that are meaningful to the person with dementia. Your family member may find
comfort in singing old holiday songs, watching favorite holiday movies, or
looking through old photo albums.
Involve the person in holiday preparation. As the person's
abilities allow, invite him or her to help you prepare food, wrap packages,
help decorate or set the table. This could be as simple as having the person
measure an ingredient or hand decorations to you as you put them up. (Be
careful with decoration choices. Blinking lights may confuse or scare a person
with dementia, and decorations that look like food could be mistaken as
edible.)
Maintain a normal routine. Sticking to the person's normal
routine will help keep the holidays from becoming disruptive or confusing. Plan
time for breaks and rest.
Adapt gift giving
Encourage safe and useful gifts for the person with
dementia. Diminishing capacity may make some gifts unusable or even dangerous
to a person with dementia. If someone asks for gift ideas, suggest items the
person with dementia needs or can easily enjoy. Ideas include: an
identification bracelet (available through MedicAlert®+ Alzheimer's Association
Safe Return®), comfortable clothing, favorite foods and photo albums.
Put respite care on your wish list. If friends or family ask
what you want for a gift, suggest a gift certificate or something that will
help you take care of yourself as you care for your loved one. This could be a
cleaning or household chore service, an offer to provide respite care, or
something that provides you with a bit of rest and relaxation.
When the person lives
in a care facility
A holiday is still a holiday whether it is celebrated at
home or at a care facility. Here are some ways to celebrate together:
- Consider joining your loved one in any facility-planned holiday activities
- Bring a favorite holiday food to share
- Sing holiday songs and ask if other residents can join in
- Read a favorite holiday story or poem out loud
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